a world turned upside down,

I have been away from here to long. Writing might help me or it might now so we will see.

My last post here was a happy panic on about vacation and packing. Wish I could say since its just been a crazy time for good stuff. Sadly it hasn't been good. My father passed away the last day of the trip. It was a sudden thing and we haven't adjusted at all.

Coming home while my mother was in Mexico trying to do stuff down there and I tried to get stuff done up here was horrible. Stuff was screwed up, the bank wouldn't do anything to help ( Wells Fargo is a shitty ass fucking bank for customer service), the funeral home in Mexico screwed mom over and if it wasn't for the generosity of family, friends and total strangers neither mom or dad would have gotten home in any amount of time.

Air Trans waved all fees for mom to change flights and baggage fees, the travel agent paid the difference for moms ticket and refused to be paid back, the resort we had been staying at let mom stay for free the 3 days it took to get stuff straight, and I know a bunch of other people and companies that have helped in small ways either by waiving fees or accepting 1/2 payments.

The life insurance policies should be getting paid out soon, its taken so much longer because of needing to get his death certificate translated through the US Consulate and a few companies are being asses and one that is a card in just his name is even calling me.... That went over like a load of bricks, the woman probably regrets calling.

Mom is starting counseling this week. I am calling my doctor tomorrow for help also. I am finding that I am getting spitting nails pissed at the littlest things. I have been so slacking on everything, gym, food, cleaning, work.... I need help.

My son misses him and has acted out a bit but he is starting to get better with everything thanks to some counseling.

I am hoping with the reduction in hours for the summer (my choice), lots of time with family doing stuff and time will help but I need some other help too.

I want my dad, I miss him terribly.